It was chilly today. The wind didn’t help and today was perhaps the first day that truly smelled like Fall. I got a whiff of that burning leaves/wood smoke Fall smell while I was pushing Claudine to her class today and I couldn’t help but think that happier times are ahead: pumpkins, Halloween, crunchy leaves, turkey, bountiful farmer’s markets and all those cute cool weather clothes we’ve all been dying to wear. It really is my favorite time of the year and the thought of all things Fall just makes me happy.

This is a good thing because lately I’ve been struggling to keep anxious thoughts away. Seems like our family has been struck with a rash of bad luck lately: 2 car accidents, one of which was serious, a fairly severe burn injury and a big event happening any day now that has been tainted by difficult family bullshit. Plus, I am not working these days…which means there are no upcoming paychecks. Guys, it is weird not to work. I am not used to it at all and I’ve come to realize that I am only really comfortable when I am juggling multiple projects at once. So the no-working thing is throwing me way off, but somehow the day gets filled and hours fly by. I’ve been spending most of my days trying to enjoy this current life of semi-leisure (all relative though, right? There are still the kids and the business to tend to everyday) while finally checking long overdue tasks off my to-do list (like the most dreadful of tasks, updating the portfolio) and trying to keep unnecessarily dramatic thoughts that we’ll all end up destitute in check. It’s been stressful.

On the bright side, I plan to spend more time with my camera, learning more about exposure and lighting while I bear with this slowdown at work. I’ve taken photography classes before in art school and also as an elective while I studied music, but that was ages and ages ago and taking a class is something I’ve been considering. I’ve come to realize that as much as I am non-committal towards design, I feel the most creatively satisfied these days with the camera and I wonder if there is any room for a gradual career switch. I don’t know if that is realistic, financially. What I do know is that we should all be given the opportunity to explore the path that brings us happiness. Client-based design is not that path for me. Just having that clarity seems like a huge step.

So…it’s about looking ahead. And focusing on the positives like Mark’s mom, who is here visiting and is now cancer free. It’s about keeping the nerves in check and keeping busy so there is no time to indulge my overactive imagination. Soon enough all the leaves will have fallen, the weather will be too frigid to enjoy outdoors and we’ll all be pining for spring. Let’s enjoy Fall now.

Sometimes there is just no need for words…

I wasn’t going to refer to the biter post again as it seemed to have played itself out in comments (and I’ve gone back and forth about even posting this because I don’t really wish to rehash the comments), but there is one more thing I wanted to share. When Mia was born, I was sent a care package by a college friend that included the book “Operating Instructions” by Anne Lamont. At times the book was a bit shocking because on more than a few occasions I thought to myself “oh no she didn’t just call her baby that!”. The memoir on her first year of single parenthood is brutal in its honesty (yes, it gets political and yes, there is a lot of cursing - oh and btw, “wtf” was brought up so much in comments, but Mark and I do not actually curse at all in real life), but it was so…freeing to read because Lamont writes about things in a way you perhaps thought yourself, but would never admit out loud to anyone because if you did, you’d be racked with guilt for thinking such awful thoughts. The point? Parenthood is so mixed with complicated and often extreme emotions. You feel this overwhelming, immense love for your kids that you never knew you were capable of, but at the same time it tests the outer limits of your patience and sanity like nothing else (I’d never seen Mark, who is a completely mellow guy, get angry and frustrated, for example, until we had kids). As a new mom I was glad for the reassurance that hair-pulling-in-frustration emotions were completely normal and I appreciated reading something that seemed so real, so relatable and so honest. We can choose to sugarcoat parenthood and only write about the sweetest moments, but that is not real life - that is not the whole experience of being a parent.

I realized in the last day or so that some of the comments did in fact hurt more than I wanted to admit. No matter what your ability is to just brush it off, it still kinda sucks to be told that your kids are being neglected or that you don’t appreciate them. It isn’t the first time I’ve been criticized or judged about something I’ve written. It probably won’t be the last. And I’m certainly not the only blogger that has been on the receiving end of negative comments (look at the venom of some of these hate mails that Dooce gets….omg). Some of you say that it is brave to write so openly and put yourself out there, but maybe I am not so brave, lol. Certainly something to think about as the blog continues to evolve…

Okay then. After all the “excitement” of the last post, I leave you today with the last slice of apple pie. Everyone likes apple pie. Nothing controversial about pie.

So you know the NEW bunkbed I just got for the girls? Turns out Mia has been biting the wood safety rails on the top bunk of her bed. There are 2 places where the wood has been gnawed like it’s been chewed on by a rat. Tonight we discovered that there are half a dozen scrape marks on the top of the white lacquer end piece on the foot of the bed. Needless to say I was pissed. I’m not buying a new bed just to have the kid destroy it. With her teeth. But it brings to light an oral fixation that she’s had since she was a toddler, only it’s getting worse. Now I’m thinking it’s behavioral - a nervous habit - and needs to be addressed appropriately…but how? Maybe the start of a new school with a lot of kids has been a little more stressful than she lets on. I don’t know. Mia was never a thumbsucker or a binky obsessed pacifier addict, but she did start developing the habit of biting her nails and perpetually having a finger in her mouth about a year ago. You may think that the main reason I give the girls their Louise Brooks inspired haircuts is because it’s cute, but the real reason I keep it short with bangs is so that she doesn’t chew on her hair. Since school has begun, I’ve seen her coming out of the classroom with ties and ribbon from her various shirts and dresses stuffed in her mouth. One day she was even spotted chewing on paper. WTF???? What is that? How do you stop it? Anybody deal with this before?

(On a totally different note, that wonderful triangle bunting on the window was sent by Mia’s new pen pal Pauline, from Germany, whose mom runs the shop Line + Liv and has this wonderful blog. Pauline wanted to write to Mia after seeing her photos on this blog…and we’re so glad you did! Mia’s letter and packet will be coming soon.)

If you’re in the area on Friday evening, drop on by to Pink Olive, a charming boutique here in Park Slope that will begin selling our products. Mark and I will be there to serve up some samples, owner Grace will provide drinks and a free gift with purchase that evening, and I’m extra excited to meet Jennifer Causey, a local Brooklyn photographer whose work I’ve long admired. Prints of her photos will be available at Pink Olive as well.

I was actually introduced to Pink Olive a few years ago (then, just 1 location in the East Village) when I was still doing Babygadget - I wrote about their ice cream popsicle soaps that are still being sold at the stores. Funny how blogging has come full circle for me. Now I’m on the other side of reviews. And because of the business, I’m getting to meet some of the artists and bloggers that I’ve written about and linked to. nice.

Oh, this just in: here’s the Time Out NY Kids article we’re in. It’s also in the print mag which I will have to pick up. Remember when I said that I had to bribe the kids into good behavior with candy? Can you see the pucker on their mouths from candy? I also tried to get out of being in the photo (not all the families have parent photos!). I wish I wore something different. Oh well.

One of my weaknesses if you don’t already know, is pork belly, in it’s many forms. I bought some while shopping at the Korean grocery the other day. In the past I have braised it, roasted it, braised it again, so I figured it might be time to try something different. Perhaps something a little bit less heavy? I ended up trying a Japanese stew of sorts, cooking the meat along with Kabocha squash in dashi. Tasty it was, but less heavy it was not (it put Jenna in a food coma). A “light pork belly entree” just might be the biggest culinary oxymoron of them all.

Pork Belly and Kabocha Stew (serves 6-8)

2 Tablespoons canola oil
2-1/2 pounds pork belly, cut into 3-inch squares
3 slices of fresh ginger
4 cloves garlic
1 kabocha squash, peeled, seeded and cut into large chunks
4 cups dashi
2 Tablespoons rice wine vinegar
Salt and pepper to taste

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Heat the oil in a large ovenproof pot. Add the pork belly pieces, skin side down and cook on medium-high heat until browned, about 8 minutes. Remove from the pot and set aside. Remove all but a small amount of the oil from the pot. Add the garlic and ginger, cook for one minute. Add the squash and stir briefly. Return the pork belly to the pan, skin side up. Pour the dashi into the pot until it almost reaches the top of the pork belly pieces. Bring just to a boil, then transfer the pot to the oven. Cook for 2 hours, occasionally adding more liquid if it gets reduced too much. Remove from the oven and allow to cool for about 30 minutes in the liquid. Remove the pork and kabocha from the liquid. Slice each piece of pork into thin slices, and serve with the kabocha, using a small amount of the cooking liquid as a sauce or soup.

OK…I never really thought to go fruit picking before we had kids. Sure, I spent a month picking blueberries in Maine one summer during college, but that was hard work for money and the chance to experience something different than my upbringing in an urban environment. But for fun? No. We did really well with various U-Pick activities this year though: strawberries, peaches, lavender, and now apples and raspberries. The kids really dig raspberry picking: “5 berries for me and one for the basket”, “No! I’m not picking for the basket, I’m picking for the eating”. Ok, Miss C. Whatever gets anything fresh and healthy into your stomach is fine with me.