Having family far away really sucks. It used to not be so hard - the kids were too little to understand what it really meant to say goodbye, and while Claudine is still in that phase, Mia is old enough to know that when we say goodbye, it means that the person won’t be there in the morning. She spent most of the evening on Aunt Lara’s last day very grumpy and distant (hence no photos of her). Guess you learn how to do that early on - distance yourself from that person so it won’t hurt as much later when they’re gone. But that never really works, does it?

I chuckle every time I have to photograph new marshmallow flavors (in this case, espresso, which we’ll have for sale in a few days - they all got snatched up within an hour at the BK Flea). I mean, how many different ways can you photograph a marshmallow? But strangely enough, many ways and I am becoming a bit obsessive over them, mostly because they aren’t looking like marshmallows to me so much anymore, but abstract shapes with weird textures, particularly the oddly shaped ends of the pan that don’t get packaged up.

It’s all part in a series of projects I’m doing with the bits and pieces of materials that aren’t used but discarded from the byproducts of the biz (well, except for mushrooms which are my other photographic obsession. I’ll show you those soon).

I’ve also been toying with the idea of selling photographic prints for awhile. It’s been a long process, however, and I’m nowhere near opening up shop. It’s partly due to the fact that I’m feeling a little bit unsatisfied with certain technical aspects of the photos like sharpness and resolution, etc., but largely due to the fact that I’ve been searching for some kind of theme to unify the work - I don’t want to just throw together a collection of my favorite photos - and so this is where I’ve been struggling. I think over the years I *have* developed a certain style - the product shots are pretty minimal and monochromatic and props are used sparingly, but that may be more to do with the fact that I very well may be a lazy stylist. I am, however, becoming more and more interested in photographing food as completely abstract forms which is why I find marshmallows and mushrooms appealing, but….would anybody buy this stuff? (OK, Nichole, I know you would). I can only imagine it if they were blown up big, to take that abstraction even further with an exaggeration of size that is out of context which is why I’m obsessing over sharpness and resolution.

In any case, I’ve got some plans to push these abstractions further. We’ll see where they go.

Even pancakes. 3 flavors: pumpkin cornmeal, apple and sour milk, and clove and rosewater cooked up by a historic gastronomist in the park near our house.

Also during this busy, spring-like weekend, Claudine learned how to scooter. She went slow and steady while all the other neighbor kids zoomed around her on their razors, but she was so cute that I wanted to constantly go over to her and give her a squeeze.

But I restrained myself.

Aside from her visible excitement over finally learning how to scoot, she looked like a little old granny with that little leg of hers chugging and pushing the ground away with turtle speed.

You didn’t think that I was going to post another photo of the flowers, did you? But they’re still quite enchanting, don’t you think?

So. I’m trying to have a good weekend and pick up the pieces after an awful Friday. Life has a way, sometimes, of kicking you down repeatedly which most times I can handle, but especially after climbing up to a certain feel-good place after news of Mark’s dad and being so sick, it’s been particularly hard to pick myself up. Overbearing, lifetime family problems that flare up when we decide not to ignore it, a mysterious case of nausea and mild stomch cramps for the last 18 hours (NO! Not pregnant!!) that has me feeling lethargic and on the couch, and news of a 20% increase in our health insurance premiums this year have left me feeling beat up again. How are we supposed to ever get ahead when our already ridiculous $1226 monthly health insurance bill is now going to be $1436? Maybe this is what is causing my nausea.

We’ll just have to work that much harder. Not sure what other choice we have.

But there is nothing left to do BUT pick up the pieces, is there? Besides, I’m determined to make this a good weekend. Mark’s sister, the girls’ beloved aunt, is here for the weekend before returning to Seattle after a 2 week stay with their dad. I am all caught up with deadlines so I won’t be working this weekend which really works well with my Saturday plans of lying horizontally on the couch. Winter seems to have kicked the curb, thank god, and I’m looking out the window to sunny, 50 degree temps and watching people play soccer in shorts and tee-shirts. And because of all the weight I’ve lost from illness and possibly more from this current bout of nausea (which may or may not be such a good thing considering my frame), my a-little-too-uncomfortably-tight, muffin-top inducing skinny jeans aren’t uncomfortably tight anymore.

Nice.

I did a photoshoot for my friend Tami’s Ismodern Fall 2010 children’s wear line. The girls were also models. Can’t show you the clothes yet, but here are some out takes. As much as the girls are used to being photographed by me, it’s a bit hard to wrangle kids into posing naturally, especially when they start over exaggerating smiles and expressions into what they think is their photo look. Mia in particular, just wanted to play, but once she got into the “modeling zone”, she turned out pose after pose and surprisingly took direction well. Only to humor me, of course because if you can visualize a six year old putting out poses while thinking to herself “oh mom, hurry up…I’ve got playing to do!”, then you get the idea.

But you want to know what makes a girl a girl? Her love of shoes at any age. Tami got the girls 5 pairs of shoes for the shoot - glittery ballet flats, gold sneakers, and fun jelly sandals - and they took them home, lined them up and played “shoe store” with them for days.

I’m in overdrive work mode again. Knee deep in the crazy, juggling 3 projects. Insane. Never experienced deadlines like this.

But as busy as I am, I’m really itching to work on some of these projects that I’ve started in my downtime, particularly the ones that involves the teabags. Why does it work like that? When work is slow, all I want to do is sit on the couch and do nothing but surf the fashion and gossip blogs and eat Doritos (yes, my weakness and I’ve had whole twitter conversations about them with other fans), but when I’m up to my ears in work, the motivation suddenly appears out of nowhere. Infuriating.

But all this to say…I’m back. I’m feeling infinitely better. The antibiotics have kicked in. Not as lost or depressed as I was feeling for several months back. I have energy again. I’d just like a few more hours in the day, please.

PS. I did an interview with my friend Amy for her Playlist series for the Herman Miller blog. The first in the series was with Nichole (didn’t I say she was my parallel universe twin?). You can read mine here.

I came back into town late last week knowing that I wanted to cook a nice hearty meal with some oxtails I had bought earlier in the week. I also thought it would be fun for the girls to give the pasta machine another try. As far as the oxtails, I have never cooked with them before so I needed some guidance. I found this recipe from Mario Batali, but made a few changes. I substituted bacon for the pancetta and red wine for the white wine simply because that’s what I had on hand. It also seems that in the original recipe the meat is left on the bone, but I instead chose to remove the bones and incorporate the meat back into the cooking liquid (after reducing it a bit) to make a sauce not unlike a ragù. There is no pasta in the original recipe either - it is served more like a stew, but this was great with our homemade fettuccine and ended up being exactly what I wanted to make. Once again, I’ll do my best to use the pasta machine more often because it is easy, tasty, and fun for the kids. I made a similar proclamation almost two years ago, so we’ll see how it goes this time around.

I can’t seem to throw these Valentine’s Day flowers out. This is the 3rd time they’ve made an appearance on the blog. Each time I reach for the flowers with the intentions of tossing them, I stop because I think they are still beautiful. I almost prefer them this way, faded and a little shriveled. It’s been 2 weeks. I think I’ll keep documenting their decay.

1:13 am and it’s officially March. I’ve gone back to late nights and doing nothing but working. I’m a bit amused by it all since this was the year that I was going to try and kick client work to the curb, but instead I am freelancing for one the biggest ad agencies working on a commercial brand. Can you say, IRONY? But I get to work with my friend Nichole, who is my total parallel universe twin. This little bit of happenstance just takes the cake.

I’ve never seen more collective sighs about the ending of a month than last month. I certainly feel a weight being thrown off, a fresh start. I’m ready and feeling like a recovery is around the corner. Other than the 2 weeks in between my bouts of bronchitis, I’ve been sick so far every day this year. Aside from 2 trips to the doctor, I haven’t left the house in 7 days. I’ve lost 6 pounds this week. I’ve done nothing but stare at this computer for 4 days straight. Wouldn’t you have cabin fever too?